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The Unheard Cry of War : Chapter 1
Published 1 month ago
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Ok, I really hope this is well written... but after all... who am I to know? Anyways, please leave feedback on whats good, what you liked personally, and what could be better... or what is just plain terrible! Anyways, enjoy! Hopefully...

( Nineteen year old Tristan Cole, along with his twenty year old sister Kallah, walked through the damp back alleys of Verland cities’ northern most courter. These alleys were known for theft, burglarizing, and even an occasional murder. Tristan however, along with many others who lived in this courter, had grown up in these conditions, and were fairly used to it.

“Does mom know that you come this way after work?” Kallah asked with a concerned smile on her face.

“No, but dad used these passages when he still worked back here, and honestly I don’t know if it is really all that more risky. I’m out later if I just take the sidewalk.”

They turned down a different path, the colored scars of graffiti peering down at them in what seamed like living silence. The once red brick of some old office building now splotched with bright colors of darkness. Kallah made a grimace at some of the horrid images, scenes with unreadable titles.

“I don’t like it here,” she said in a nervous tone.

Tristan looked down at his sister, pushing fake confidence into his expression before speaking,

“Its not that bad. The same people who you see out and about are the same people who roam these parts at night.”

This obviously was not comforting to Kallah, and she protested with firm silence. They both stood, gazing into each others face in an unspoken argument, their fixed expressions implying different opinions. Suddenly Tristin broke free from the motionless battle, and looked up as metal door burst open behind his sister. The strong arms of a dark figure reached out in one quick motion, and grasped their pray before it even had a time to turn.

“Stop!” Tristin cried out over horrified Kallah’s screams. He grabbed the kidnapers arm, just before he had fully pulled the helpless girl inside the momentary hall of death. Suddenly, a burst of pain shot through his shoulder, causing him to collide with the doorframe. As he braced himself, another blow struck his side. He blinked his eyes threatening to give way, along with his weakening knees. He shook his head in protest, and let out an energizing cry of war, one that sent unnerving fear into his opponents for a few split seconds. Rising up in a turning motion, he swung his fist in the general direction of his attacker. The blow made contact with the brute’s jaw, and he fell into a load of stacked crates. At the same time however, Tristan received an uppercut from someone else, one that likewise sent him crashing into the nearby brick wall. Things were now too chaotic for even his eyes to process. He couldn’t tell if he was inside the building, or back in the shadow filled alley. The tear filled screams of his sister were still reaching his ears, haunting him with sickening chills. It wasn’t clear to him how many thugs he was fighting, brutal men who were beating him mercilessly. However, with each desperate cry that Kallah wailed, cries which sent ghastly echos through the abandoned building, new energy seamed to find its way into his arms. He stood up again, his hand somehow finding its way onto the nearest brutes head, and he thrusted it down with withering motivation. Another blow again struck his side, forcing him to clinch his teeth in an effort to fight away the pain. He took a breath, and then responded to this act of cruelty with a blind kick, making satisfying contact with the mans neck, while at the same time feeling the crunch of bones more vividly than he’d like. Wham! Something solid, and obviously metallic, struck him hard in the forehead, and that was the end. His eyes blacked out, his knees buckled, and the rest of his body fell along with them into the slow, invisible depths of unconsciousness. Hours later, he was left in the alley, alone. A puddle of blood slowing outlining his all but motionless frame.

Ok, that may have been just bad... but oh well... Keep in tuned! Oh, and if you don't know what this is about, check out my model titled "Spoiler"... that should give you the info you need. )

Goodbye, God bless, Greenflame24
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1 month ago
Wham! Tristan is one tough baddie! Fantabulous storyline, my guy. I could nitpick a few small details (I'm a living "Grammarly" website), but aside from a bit of spelling errors, you absolutely nailed it!!
1 month ago
@LW Thanks so much man. I am not one for grammar... sadly... I was once in this stage where I thought that if I weren't a tough country hick, I wasn't anything but a city wimp... thus... I was pretty hard pressed not to pay attention to my english...
I'm also not surprised there were some misspelled words... for one spelling is not my strength... two I spent so long writing and rewriting things, I was pretty certain there were going to be a few mixed up errors in there. I guess thats why I often say, "Any misspellieled words are a joint effort by my computer and I."

Anyways, tanks agen... espwecwee for corekting mi speleng...
1 month ago

Oop. Yeah, I went through a bit of a stage like that, too

The thing is, I have a pretty doggone strict momma, so...
1 month ago
Yeah... its funny how at certain ages kids will go through these die hard gotta me like or stand for something stage. I was the second oldest of 7, and the first born son. So as far as school goes, I was sorta a test run
My siblings will grow up much more educated than I... not saying I haven't been educated... I actually could have been much more educated if I had the motivation but... nope! No desire, no reason... and then you get to high school and... end of story
1 month ago
Woah. That was.. brutal...
@GF24, I’m third oldest of seven, first born son.
1 month ago
@HAMMERBORNE Yeah... I figured it was going to be a little bit more violent than most MB stories are... It's actually going to, hopefully, be a pretty deep story.

Wait, seriously? Thats cool. My family consist of 5 girls, and two boys... my brother is 10 years younger than myself... so... yeah...
1 month ago
@GF24, Yeah, but that's life..

Yep! I've got two older sisters, three younger brothers and a younger sister. So its pretty even.
i have a brother who's two years younger so that's nice. 10 years tho..
1 month ago
I'm the youngest of my family.
And I've got 2 older sisters. No brothers.
1 month ago
And my mom's an editor, so I got grammar and spelling drilled into my head at an early age.....
1 month ago
@Guitarman2 Thanks. English is diffidently something I need to touch up on, though, I actually enjoy doing so...
1 month ago
Once again the build is fantastic!

I probably would have left out the whole bone braking and blood thing, these are LEGO Minifigures...

But overall, I loved reading it. I enjoy intense settings!

And since you guys are talking about it, I’m the oldest of five, so yeah...
1 month ago
@Snap, Thanks! I actually don't consider this a LEGO story though... I'm justing using LEGO as a tool to illustrate it. This is actually a story I'm writing for a friend, and I thought I might stick it on here.

Anyways, thanks again
The intensity level is going to be fairly high, which means expect some death... because it will occur...
1 month ago
Promising beginning to a great story Greenflame! You have the writing down very well, just some spelling and grammar errors, but we can live with those. (I'm legit so bad at spelling and grammar I'm teaching it to myself to the amazement of my family)
1 month ago
@D_R06 Thanks so much
and you practically just summed up my life
I do the same,
though, my family doesn't know I'm teaching myself. Anyways, its so mind blowing how many misspelled words you can leave behind, even after rereading it for the twentieth time...
1 month ago
ill see you later
3 weeks ago
Hey, Greenie boy! Great story! It's difficult to choreograph fights with words, and you did a great job. Wow, it seems like I'm the only one (besides ZeeSnapper) who's the eldest in their family! My parents are BOTH grammar Nazis, and I'm honestly a bit nit-picky as well.

DaEarl: My younger brother is 8 yrs. younger than me, so...
3 weeks ago
@O011 Agh! I've got too many notifications to catch up on!
Anyways thanks, there will be a lot of fight scenes like this... so hopefully I'll be able to sorta get um right
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